Tell me where did we go wrong
If it’s all good intentions
Why are we scared of living
Yeah the weight of the world
Its hard enough to hold already
Why does it gotta be so heavy
Baby it’s the little things
Maybe we can change the world
One heart at a time
— Love Too Much, Hunter Hayes
He said that I need to fill the void. How many therapist have told you that? Let’s see a show of hands… anyone? anyone? It’s not like I haven’t tired.
Ok, maybe I haven’t. Unless trying to shove every Tom, Dick and Harry into it isn’t the answer. AND CLEARLY it’s not the answer. So I asked him… or not, maybe I’m asking you.
How do YOU fill the void?
Frankly, I’m scared to death of the void. It’s been there for so long. It’s dark and scary and never ending. It’s rainy in there… storm clouds all the time. No wonder no one wants in. It’s not a pleasant place to be. It’s not at all a pleasant place to talk about especially on a beautiful Saturday morning like today.
So, for another day I will avoid the gap and act as if it’s all sunshine, rainbows and puppy dogs. It’s gotten me by for this long. Eventually I’ll need to start making my way down there. Maybe you guys have some tips. I don’t know… Seems like we are all genuinely in this together. Therapists, medicine, meetings… journeys to hell and back…
I’m sure I have the answer and I’m just too stubborn or too afraid to do the work… sometimes it’s easier to “stay sick”. After 20+ years of being recognizably sick I can honestly say that there are days it is easier. I DID NOT say more pleasant. Easier. Less work. But the pain of the Tom, Dick and Harry’s in and out of my life is taking a toll…..