We’ll chase the moon, ride the stars
Find the muscle in this car
I know it’s still got something left
Yeah come on out, take my hand
Feel my heart, girl understand
I gotta thunder pounding in my chest
Hey yeah, can’t see you as nothing but mine
And girl tonight, let’s go crazy one more time
I’m a collector. Plain and simple. I’m not good at it at all! But, I will collect anything I can. Good news is… I’m not a hoarder because I lose everything! I will try my hardest to hold on to it!!! Oh, Jesus!!! I will. I tell you what! But, I can’t hold onto anything.
If you have read my posts in the past, you have probably heard of Danger Boy! Yep, he’s been around since the beginning. I have kicked him to the curb many-a-time. But, he’s part of my collection… as is a real honest to goodness “eX”. It seems I mainly collect boys… men, now that I’m a grown woman.
This started years ago. Along with what now has grown into what seems to be an addiction. One might consider it a sex addiction. However, stick around and get to know me a bit and you’d find that it’s a love addiction.
Definitely untreated… definitely out of control… Definitely sucky!!! And, I do NOT mean to make light of it. It SUCKS. And, it’s confusing as hell. Mainly it’s confusing because I don’t want to deal with it. It’s confusing because who becomes addicted to love?
And I wonder, at times, if that’s such a horrible addiction really? And, then I answer myself immediately with a “Yes!”
I know enough about it to say that it’s horrible. Just like any addiction it ruins quality of life… ruins relationships… ruins self.
I avoid dealing with it in every possible way I can. And, I will continue to because that’s what I do well… that and collect things… and lose them of course. Because of my addiction?!?!?!
I haven’t even bothered to address the Bipolar/Borderline issues that I mix in with the addiction stuff! Makes an exciting little Burrito of Life for me!!!
Yes! Damn it! I do want to go crazy one more time… actually, all of the freaking time! It’s hard to justify it though when you don’t know if you are being bipolar or borderline or if you are dealing with your addiction!
However, since I have not dealt with my addiction… that’s helps. Or not… because obviously that’s a bad thing. Again… I not making light of it. I need to deal with it. I have attended SLA meetings, but I cannot wrap my head around 12 step meetings. I cannot deal with a higher power. It’s personal issue with me. I don’t know how I will do it, but I have to figure it. And, that is as far as I can go talking about it without having a panic attack.
So, I will wander my happy little ass away from the topic – conveniently – so I can collect my boys and keep having my issues?
And so… I will just go crazy one more time!!!