Lots of things in the air right now. As they should be while I discover myself. How often do we go through this process?
I have been reading over my posts:
Walking a better path.
Learning to deal with my “self”.
The Love Addiction.
Moving past the “men”
The trauma in my past……….
I think I’m afraid of myself and of getting old and losing chances to make something of myself… which sounds ridicules but whatever… it is what is.
So I’ve been going through things lately – mostly to keep myself from falling too deep into my head and to keep myself out of other people’s “hands”. I have been through the recovery process so many times. Not in the normal sense of the word. Not in the “worked a program” sense. My recovery sense. Recovered from a sickness… sense of the word.
It feels like it’s about a balance for me really. … about walking the rim of this volcano. Because all of that stuff is in there… it moves around constantly. If I can stay safely just outside of it I will be just fine.
I suppose there is nothing keeping me from walking down the stupid mountain? That would keep from me the bubbling mess of my brain… that mountain is pretty fucking scary though.
And it goes on…