Ah, but we can walk again

wpid-20150510_103626.jpg

‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

– all of me, John Legend

She sits in pictures on the window sill just above my laptop and usually at my feet when I’m writing. She’s like a little rag doll… floppy and bouncy and brings me toys and say “Momma… it’s not all that serious! Tell ’em all to go to hell and let’s just play with Mr. Squid man instead!” That’s why All of Me is our song! She’s my beauty queen for sure!

She does make writing about the things I’ve been writing about lately weird. Yeah, yeah she’s a dog. To YOU she’s a dog. To this girl she’s a …. IDK… she’s got a spirit! And.. she listens! And.. she is mine! Hey, I’m the one who was afraid my stuffed animals would be hurt if they didn’t all get to sleep on the bed every night with me. The one who was sure my bike would be scared if it was left out and not safe in the garage where it belonged! Yeah, yeah! I had serious issues! Ya pickin up what I’m putting down here???

11216434_10152950079221775_989440902_n

Fairytale may NOT be the proper term here 🙂

Need I explain the necessity for Therapy Man? So I think my dog understands me some – is that so bad? LOL. I grew up with a very active imagination because I had to… it’s all I had. Life was scary otherwise. My possessions were what I had. Like it or not we are products of our environments. My environment drove me into my head. Simple as that. I gathered my possessions very closely to myself! I didn’t necessarily say that what was going on in my head was normal!

Another blogger is doing a series on Mindfulness. I won’t go into… I may ask if I can’t link this to her blog and you could get some info that way. I think it’s a great tool for anxiety and just … yeah. I think it’s great. I cannot do it. My mind is a hot mess. It has been for as long as I can remember for as many reasons as I can remember. I have done a lot of work with Acceptance Commitment Therapy and love that. Great source for anxiety…

I think the key is finding the right therapist and NOT giving up – no matter what – until you do. Seriously. I hate hearing people say “I have tried and I quit.” They are all the same. Well… they aren’t. Just a basic observation… there are psychologists and social workers for one thing… they go about things in different ways… jus’ saying… in my opinion. But, I’m not here for that… I have, however, been around the therapy block a few times.

Mental health sucks, doesn’t it? Of all things to suck! We fuck around with not taking care of our brains. The very thing that make decisions for us every moment we breath. And yet we fuck around with deciding if we should get help for it. We let others dictate so much about what is cool about it and not. Messed up! Oh! How I hate it!!! Granted it’s hard to fight the gremlins in there… I KNOW. IIIII KNNOWWWW…. then there are the bullies who make it hard!

Oh therapy and therapist. Tricky. Fuck it’s all tricky. Trusting. Starting over with “the story” each time. Yeah… it’s a drag. The risk of never getting fixed? OHHHH, maybe that’s it. We don’t ever really get fixed. And, maybe that’s it.. pisses us off. We don’t want to accept it.

Here’s the thing though… We can always learn to walk again. And just maybe the path we start walking down is better than the one we were walking before?

May – be? Hm?

2 thoughts on “Ah, but we can walk again

  1. Jami just beautiful. You let us into your heart on this one. Peace my friend and I’m glad you changed your picture back to the original. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s