This is “Keep Jami’s Junk in Her Pants Week” according to Therapy Man. Yes, I know, probably way too much info here, but ya needed some back story and well… that’s the back story.
I have a friend that I exchange emails with. LOVE HIM! We have come to refer to this week as “No Soup For You” week.
Needless to say… I had the soup. Yes, again with Danger Boy, even after I named the storm!
And, of course… I don’t just want the soup… I want the recipe!
Thus… I’m looking for allllll kinds of meaning behind the conversation/s we had and have had for the last 3 years! None of them are different, mind you…. but I’m still lookin’ for meaning!
Now… I have had many a talk with many a person about this boy! Yes, yes… I know. He’s a dick. But, the soup is good. I have paid professionals to tell me that he means nothing behind what he says. It’s just soup – so to speak. My friends – the ones willing to still talk to me about him will say the same thing. Ex-boyfriend still may throw down with him (regardless the fact that he’s a cop) because he’s even more of an idiot than most guys. Yeah… he’s a few bricks short of a load. Again… just really damn good soup…
And… apparently, I am a few bricks short myself.
I do have a problem. I know it and it’s not just Jason/Danger Boy. Which is why my therapist declared it “keep Jami’s junk in her pants” week. He was definitely trying to prove a point. He wins. I lose (which is debatable 🙂 — ok, not funny, sorry. eh!).
Back to my point and my friend… so, I email my friend and tell him I broke the Nazi soup guy rule and while I was at it I did NOT get the recipe. And, on top of it, Danger Boy said some dickish stuff that I should not have been surprised about, but none-the-less, was slightly bent about, but was still wanting meaning and still let him come over, and friend says to me…
I think men…almost all men, say exactly what they mean. They rarely speak in subtleties like women do. And as much as it hurts, I think he meant exactly what he said. I think he’s trying to make it clear that he does not want a relationship. I know it sucks to hear that, but on some level knowing it allows you the ability to NOT feel compelled to be available to him.
For some reason the skies opened up above and I heard the hallelujah chorus begin to play… it’s not like I hadn’t heard those words before – obviously they weren’t stated quite like that. IDK… here’s the thing my friend doesn’t know Jason at all. He doesn’t know me that well (no! he’s not tasted my soup!) nor is he interested. He lives a million miles away… so it’s NOT LIKE THAT! IDK… I don’t pay him for advice like I do Therapy Man… I just know he doesn’t have any vested interest in telling me what he did. He’s a man and… well…. he’s been around a lot of them. Not that I haven’t, obviously – which is why I have my problems… but, I just don’t learn a damn thing.
This doesn’t happen much – if at all! But I believe the opening of the heavens was a sign that I actually trusted those words for what they were! *happy dance* Now… trusting and acting on them are two entirely different things in my life.
That soup… hmm… that problem I have… hmm.. It is really a problem and I don’t want to recognize it as one. Who wants to admit they are addicted to sex?
In all seriousness?
Here’s the thing. I’m a grown woman. Single. I’d like to think that I can have a “just sex” relationship. I mean why not? Uhh… prolly not. I’m just not built for one? yes, that was actually a question – even tho I already know the damn answer.
Fuck this disease. Yeah, I’m going to blame it a little bit. Just a lil bit. I think if I was just a little bit more normal? No? Prolly wouldn’t make a difference? Uh…. Gah! What’s the keystroke for the middle finger emoji? I’d like that right now!
I’m just sitting here spinning right now.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck…
In all fairness, when I was a little girl I never wanted to be grown up! Now I know why!
Love ya Cupcake 😉