Work B**ch

Crazies are back…. um, Tag, your it? Huh?
Are we playing a game?
I don’t have time for the Tom Ford suits?
LOL – I hit my limit, remember?

I really have issues and don’t feel well.
Is there a point to all of this?
I’m chasing several people right now…
Seems I have a blank space on Tuesdays?

I’m looking for validation.
It’s more than apparent I don’t do it for you
No BBMs for me, remember?
Tried that, Mr Grey, you ignored me.

Yeah, I don’t feel well and hate games
Doesn’t seem like it, I know.
But, you stepped out
No show, no pics, no heels?

Ya see, now I don’t care
Tom Ford suit and all.
Give me the uniform
Or, the closed door.

Now get to work, Bitch!

A Day to Be Alone…

I fought for you
but you never knew
and you still don’t.

You won’t because
I took care of you.

I fight every day
but I never knew
not until last night.

I keep myself hidden
… even from myself.

He comes back around again
he doesn’t know that I let him
he won’t know that it’s for you.

I am only wanting you
to see me… through his eyes.

You break me with
every gentle breath

with every word
you refuse to speak

then you bring me back.

with each kiss you
try to keep away from me

you pull me in tighter
and closer

I watched you behind that door
I listened and learned
how to twist it and turn it,

but you never saw me
did you?

Do you see me now
do you see what he does
what I do for him?

It’s just a game
I’m still trying to win your attention.

Do you see the way I like it
Or, how it hurts me
the anger, the tears, the scars?

They all belong to you
but I’m letting him claim them.

I have protected you my whole life
and I will continue to do so
because that is what I do.

I watched you behind that door
and I was scared for you too…

Anxiety, Gravity and the Deep Freeze

Ok…

I don’t wanna do that.
I don’t wanna do anything.

Think it’s safe to say this may be an anxiety issue.

In the last 10 days, I’ve worked 1 of them because of the weather. Which means, because of the weather I haven’t been out much. I’ve sat and done very little. I’ve been in my head a lot. Not ever a very good idea. You melt into your chair or couch or bed.

Which isn’t to say I couldn’t go out.

I haven’t.

Not to say Paisley hasn’t asked. I went out with her yesterday.

Ok, so now gravity is pulling me down… frozen actually. You know, the anxiety FREEZE! The Anxiety gravity that pulls at you and eats at you… makes you stupid and makes you forget the strength you had just 5 minutes ago.

Fucking freeze. Fucking gravity.

So, I look out and see the snow which is falling again. I look at my phone and see the Windchill Alert for tonight on through til tomorrow after 10 am… kids can’t walk to school in that. It’s a safe bet we won’t go tomorrow either. Ah, the sweet life of the bipolar teacher. Great job! Yes, great job!

It’s freezing everywhere. Literally everywhere.

Well, Paisley isn’t freezing. She’s moving… constantly moving. Reminding me that, “it’s not so bad, Momma… let’s go play”. I think if she could put a leash around my neck she’d drag my ass outside.

Gravity… pulling me down… holding me down.

A little about the “Crazies”

I have blogged for a long time. No, no, no… I have journaled since I was little girl. I started “blogging” in the late 90’s when I had to actually write my own code – is that what you call it? Designed my own site. For the life of me, I do not know how I had the attention span to accomplish that task. But, I did it. I like it a lot. I used Geocities. I was “Missing Peace” then as well.

Even then, as new as the concept was to me – and it was fairly new I think. Maybe not. There was some consciousness in the idea that you were no longer just writing for just yourself… that you were taking the pen – so to speak – off the paper and out of the book and putting it on the screen and were now letting people into your life. It wasn’t rocket science then. And then… we didn’t tag things like we do now. I certainly wasn’t writing bipolar posts or borderline posts intentionally. Whoever read it… read it. Whatever we said… we said and it didn’t matter what people thought or how they took it. Maybe we were more conscientious about what we wrote? I don’t know.

Now we tag things. We do it in every possible media experience we have – if we choose.

So my question is this? (and this may seem like it’s getting personal – because it is 🙂 )

If you put yourself out there in these spaces? You even go as far as inviting people back into your own space in some cases?

You leave a place for them to comment on your thoughts – your writing? Even when you make the first move…

Do you not willingly or not also leave space for critique (if you need to call it that) from people in those spaces? Most of whom you do not know – shall we call them the “Crazies”?

(No one deserves to be attacked for sharing their thoughts, ever. Please understand this has nothing to do with that.)

I’m just asking?

Because if I left the door open to your space, which I have no desire to do… it would be sickly obvious that without the crazy you could not exist. You act as though you don’t know anything about the “Crazies” you wrote about. Your site screams volumes of craziness and chaos…

For some reason you need them to see you in your Tom Ford suits. Yet you aren’t writing about yourself, remember? The sad truth, Dear, is that they don’t care what you are wearing.

You are a simple distraction for them. You distract them like everyone else on their “following” list distracts them. Or you wouldn’t be on that list. They purposely chose to let you into their lives.

You take them away from the bullshit in their life for a moment. And, maybe they relate to you. Maybe they don’t. Because that’s what they needed in that moment. Maybe they decide to press “like”.  Maybe they don’t. Maybe they decide to “comment” – which is all it is – or they don’t.

You come here for the exact same reasons they do. This place, Geocites, and all of the other places past and present are for the same thing… To Share and to RELATE. You can tell yourself otherwise, but don’t. It would be a waste of your time.

We ALL have a lot to share. And here, very specifically, we get to decide what we want to share and who we want to to share it with.  Don’t abuse that right.

And, the “Crazies” are going to notice that some of it’s good and some of it sucks. Yes. They comment on some of it and could care less about the other. They do this on your site and all of the others they “follow”. Yes, there are others. I’m sorry.

Don’t leave space for comments if you don’t like to hear what the “Crazies” have to say. But, again, without those “Crazies” you might be in trouble.

It’s still not rocket science, Dear.

What intrigues me most… is the overwhelming amount of positive commenting that oozes from your comment section. Yet, you bitch about it. Yet, you write about the crazy in your life. No, no.. that’s right, it’s not about your life?!?! Please, sir… in your Tom Ford suits… don’t insult “the reader” any longer. We are only here for the distraction.

Negative comments happen. If in fact they do? But, again, that’s all they are. Comments. Not poetry critiques. And, certainly this is not a critique (reminding you that this only came after you sent me to your site from my own):

“Yep.. this is where the idea came from for Naming The Storm… Great minds and all of that shit, right?”

And just saying… if you want to be respected as a poet… any kind of artist… then take a critique, any critique, wherever it came from.  A worthy poet would have come up with something better than a piece attacking critique from the “Crazies”.

How “crazy” vain you are… standing there in you Tom Ford suit…