So I broke up with my boyfriend. It needed to happen. It was bound to happen. It didn’t look anything at all like I expected (wanted) it to look like. Fuck, do they ever? No, this is the real boyfriend. The one that survived Danger Boy. I should have broken up with him because of DB, yes I know. But technically I never recognized Danger Boy as anything or anyone – ironic as fuck – because he’s the only one I think I’ve ever really been in love with and the only time I’ve ever truly felt my heart break… shatter… splinter. But, we’ve been over that guy a million times. Anyway, I didn’t break up with real time bf and stayed with him. You’ll see why.
So, last night real time boyfriend and I did the dance! I didn’t want to actually do it because, you see, I’m actually a coward – shocking, I know – and I wasn’t sure I could handle being alone this winter. It’s ok – I know I’m shady. I cheated on him remember. Keeping it real here, he did cheat on me. So, technically we were even. Yeah, no. I know. So, my therapist and I had been working on making me not such a weak stick. But, he got on my computer, got a hold of some emails (one of which may have included a code name “cupcake”) and basically called me out on some things – some having to do with Danger Boy – not the aforementioned cupcake himself. I lied – he called me on it. Over and out. That’s all she wrote on that one! I was pretty much dead to rites.
I sooooo didn’t want to be the bad guy this time! Not that I have been in the past because I haven’t been… like ever. I’m serious. The others were horrible men that I thought I could help and I ended up near death… for real, for real. But, I’m the bad guy and now I’m trying to deal with the aftermath. Especially since he’s not moving out “right away”. So I am preparing (my pretty little PTSD self) to listen to him remind me of what a complete bitch I am and possibly what a whore I am (which is completely out of bounds) until I grow a couple and get him to move his ass quickly out the door.
I don’t even know how I’m going to deal with this. I seriously don’t. It’s a normal thing. I know that. I’m good with it because I was not happy…. just not use to it I guess. I don’t know.