Alice in Crazyland

Yelling
Kicking
Scratching
Pulling
Trying to get out…

It’s been a helluva day. And that was only 30 seconds ago.
All of it taking place in the very front of my brain. I can feel it there. Anyone ever experience that? Hmmmm. So weird.

Ya see, we are in Chitown… therapy time. Therapy Man is next door and we are waiting for our turn. I always think I have the sessions figured out. What is going to take place.. what’s gonna be talked about.. and fuck if none of it happens and I end up talking about God knows what. No Control! I HATE not being in control.

Not certain who “we” are. All the stories and me? Maybe? The stories that have been surfacing now that the distractions are out of the way? Fucking distractions! I knew this was going to happen. As much as I can’t deal with the stories, I can’t seem to give into them either. That’s a shocker.

It’s sorta “shit or get off the pot time”. If I can only hold on through the tilt-a-whirl ride this time. I might make it. That ride is a real fucker! Loved it as a kid.. but, again, that’s my problem! NOT A 12 YEAR OLD anymore. I can’t keep hiding and the mess that was my life isn’t going away. Ignoring it isn’t working. I’m going to have to go head on at it.

Still the same shit… different day. Had slowed down my writing for a bit. Had felt as though I was being judged… that’s never a good thing when you are only writing for yourself. Yeah, yeah… we are all going through our thing here. I get that. I came back around though and realized that and decided that I didnt care – hurt or not. Little Ms. Emotional Louise…. obviously hurt….

So, same shit or not… I’m bringin it. I gotta get through it and this has been my method since I can remember. ….whether I spell correctly… use poor grammar…. or punctuate the shit out of a sentence with a thousand periods……….. I’m bringing it. Thank you, though, for letting me know I am not a writer. I appreciate the concern. Ewww, sorry for the shittiness. Sometimes I just can’t let things go. That goes with the whole growing up issue that I’m currently working on. PROMISE.

Ok, with that said. Therapy Man awaits. It would appear, just in time.

Moving on… through Crazyland. Wow!

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