I don’t have to tell any of you what I am about to say. You are all familiar with it. But I have to say it for myself. I’m fighting so many demons. Earlier it was the Borderline Bitch. Now, the ever magical Depression Demons. It was super amazing out today. I can’t take credit for the photo because Debbie Depression had me shackled, frozen and confined to my loveseat in the Lego House. I love October and Fall more than any other season. But, everytime I thought I’d make my way to the door, actually to my room first to change out of the sweats I’ve been in since approx. 4:30 friday afternoon, nothing… I couldn’t do it.
What the hell is that about anyway?
I have the tools. Heck I have a two-story tool cabinet with built-in bose stereo system full “how to get your ass in gear” tools for depression but, at that last nano-second, I swear to you, aliens take over every time and I panic – a non-panic attack – and I am renedered unable to function. I just say fuck it…..
The problem is today I gave up a beautiful day and an amazing opportunity to spend time with my 79 year old father. I constantly worry about the time I have with he and my mom and what do I do? I let the fucking disease rob me… again. I can fight it. I have spent my life fighting it. But today, a perfect day… I let it win. Fucking disease.