… and they call it “courage”

continuing to breath no breathe…

exhausted by no thoughts and vacancies in my brain.
an empty brain full of thoughts that won’t leave.

I don’t know where to go
I don’t know what to do…

I cry because I am crying.
How the hell is that possible?
When is that going to stop?

there is a battle with no enemy and yet I am fighting everyone and everything in my way.

I’d leave but there is no where to go.
I’d check out but that isn’t even an option.

I can’t stop.
I can’t go…
I can’t think because there is nothing to think about.
Yet EVERYTHING is in my way!

I have fought and I have given up the best I can.

Are you listening to me?

I am talking to you, damn it!

This is all your fucking idea!
I have been there for you!
I have followed your fucking rules.
Not perfectly, but I HAVE TRIED!
The rules that don’t even exist!

I think you enjoy this.
I can’t wrap my head around it any other way.
Because there just… isn’t… an explanation.

it’s your game. you started it and you just keep spinning all of us around and around. There is no end to it. you want us this way. you have kept us this way from the beginning of time. you don’t care if we are young or old,  “perfect” in your image or scum…

no. you just do whatever you want… it doesn’t fucking matter.

i never claimed to be the child that you wanted. i knew from the beginning that i didn’t have a chance. but what about the ones who did? the ones who do? you turned your back on them … you do it every second of the day… Every! Second! Of! The! Day!

seriously? what’s the point? You decide… “they” say we have a choice… I call bullshit!

Oh, but i won’t quit because i don’t have it in me to quit…
i will continue to carry this pain and this anger and this fear with me day in and day out…

and “they” have the audacity to call it courage… what I do everyday… “courage”. what a joke…
the ones who quit… they call that cowardice?

…………………………… have a nice day.

 

 

 

8 thoughts on “… and they call it “courage”

  1. I hear your pain. I hear your frustration. Wish I had something inspiring to say but I don’t get it either. Just that little window of hope I guess. i ‘ HOPE’ your day gets better my dear, sending good thoughts your way.

  2. ~xtian

    I want to correct your spelling :p

    “empathy” though, and I don’t trade much in that – even with half a belt of good Tennessee whiskey on hand.

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