… i wonder, does anyone enjoy the taste of xanax as it disolves under your tongue? I suppose I should have put one of those trigger alerts up there. Please understand that I respect those…. the trigger alerts. I just think they draw people to the post like “white on rice” anyway and this is my journal. I do take a bit of responsibility knowing that I am putting it out there for others to see. So… I don’t know.
ahhhh…….. i’m just going to bumble and bramble and ramble my way through this right now anyway because that is what I have to do. I’m at work and I’m going to need to get through 4 more class periods without losing it. Yesterday I forgot to go to my homeroom. My students were in my class for 25 mins without me while I was worried about losing my beautiful distraction – knowing I’d lost him… all gone. all gone. fucking all gone. I should have been celebrating. I SHOULD BE CELEBRATING right now!
Instead I am tasting the last bit of xanax as it disolves under my tongue so that it works quickly enough that I don’t lose it for the next batch of young, mushy brained adolescents… I AM SO NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW! WAIT, WAIT!!! I’m in the mood for teaching. I AM! I want that. I just don’t know how to keep it together for them. Hopefully the xanax can do that.
Meanwhile, I am trying desparately to stay away from my email account and the battlefield <– for more info… yes, the battlefield. The smelly Orcs. No offense to my Orc loving friends, but in my world they fuck. me. up! Little bitches! Little bitches all over in my brain right now… in my world.
I had a great arguement with my maker… let’s refer to him as God… this morning. I have some nice words that would be more than a little offensive to share…. I’m giving up on more than one level with that relationship right now. I just quit… Imagine hammer and nail sounds right now, if you will…. I’m building a wall… Hell, just imagine an all out construction zone!!! Screw it.
Ok.. I promised rambling. You got it. I think the xanax kicked in. Lord (yes, the one I just gave up on), I hope so becasue the bell is about to ring and twenty-five 14 years who, I’m convinced, hate me are about to come in here and ask where I was yesterday in very shitty tones. I am NOT prepared for this at all. But hey, I have a pep rally to look forward to this afternoon… oh boy, I can’t contain myself and therapeutically, I can’t take much more xanax today………..
Over and Out.