For whatever reason you have to hit me up side the head with a brick to tell me… to get my attention… to say “I don’t give a shit about you.” And even then, I will still ask you again, and again, if we are still talking. I will still tell you that you are a selfish prick. Wait. No I wont tell you that because I’m afraid that you will stop talking to me. But I will think it about you, damn it. And, I will wonder how you can’t care about me. Even though I don’t give a shit about myself.
You will just hit delete.
I use to think you’d smile, hot delte and think – what a silly girl, but now you I’m sure you just hit delete and wait for the next one.
You always tell me what I need to hear at the last possible second before I abolutely lose it just so I won’t cause damage for your relationship. Like i would ever do that… What a piece of crap I am… no, no you don’t get off that easy. You are just as shitty as I am.
Oh, I know what a crazy bitch I am. Don’t worry. Do you think I enjoy it? The out of control bullshit? It’s my drug. I wish you’d just turn it off for good. Because obviously I haven’t been successful. It’s not even that you don’t care enough. It’s that’s you don’t care at all! And, I KNOW THIS!
I stand just outside the fish bowl and I watch it go down every single time but I can’t stop it. I don’t stop it. It grabs me from the inside out and I’m wasted before I know it. I lose. I lose every single time.
And it’s not that you don’t care enough… it’s that you don’t care at all. Yeah, yeah… I know. I know.
It’s just motions I’m going through at this point. Just a robot. Round and round I go. Please, can I make an ass out of myself just one more time?
I’m so tired…. so, so tired.