You

Yes, you.

For whatever reason you have to hit me up side the head with a brick to tell me… to get my attention… to say “I don’t give a shit about you.” And even then, I will still ask you again, and again, if we are still talking.  I will still tell you that you are a selfish prick.  Wait. No I wont tell you that because I’m afraid that you will stop talking to me.  But I will think it about you, damn it.  And, I will wonder how you can’t care about me. Even though I don’t give a shit about myself.

You will just hit delete.

I use to think you’d smile, hot delte and think – what a silly girl, but now you I’m sure you just hit delete and wait for the next one.

Delete
Delete
Delete

You always tell me what I need to hear at the last possible second before I abolutely lose it just so I won’t cause damage for your relationship.  Like i would ever do that… What a piece of crap I am… no, no you don’t get off that easy.  You are just as shitty as I am.

Oh, I know what a crazy bitch I am.  Don’t worry.  Do you think I enjoy it? The out of control bullshit? It’s my drug. I wish you’d just turn it off for good. Because obviously I haven’t been successful.  It’s not even that you don’t care enough.  It’s that’s you don’t care at all! And, I KNOW THIS!

I stand just outside the fish bowl and I watch it go down every single time but I can’t stop it.  I don’t stop it.  It grabs me from the inside out and I’m wasted before I know it.  I lose. I lose every single time.

And it’s not that you don’t care enough… it’s that you don’t care at all.  Yeah, yeah… I know.  I know.

It’s just motions I’m going through at this point. Just a robot.  Round and round I go.  Please, can I make an ass out of myself just one more time?

I’m so tired…. so, so tired.

8 thoughts on “You

    1. Very true! Thank you. Loving myself is the hardest think I have ever hard had to do. I can love total dirt bags…. but myself? It’s like I dont even exist. Thank you for your response.

      1. When you love a dirt bag it’s like they mirror back to you the image you see of yourself. Get a new mirror and really see yourself through the eyes of those who genuinely love you. Start in your own home. You are worthy. You are a gift. keep reminding yourself that until you see yourself truly for what you are it is going to be hard to convince others outside those who genuinely love you. Peace my friend!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s