I admit I went to bed a bit honked off at my boyfriend last night. He was pissy at me because I got all emotional about the loss yesterday in our world. Or, maybe I was pissy at him because he wasn’t emotional. Hmmm. *thinking*
eh, regardless, he didn’t get it. The pain, I mean. The suffering that I thought Mr. Williams had to have been feeling. Ya see, I’m a mind reader (I suck at it, but I won’t give up on it). How could Lee not feel it….. aw, forget it.
I am feeling a bit anxious about this because I may alienate some people here. I’ve included a text and a response between my bf and myself. His response might seem harsh. But, let me say this… if you asked Lee to discuss the situation, he would tell you quite frankly that he doesn’t want to. He won’t talk about it on social media. He has no interest in discussing it. It is what it is for him. I respect that. But, my point really is this….
I woke up this more and I thought “wait a minute… How lucky is he, Jami! He has never felt the pain and anxiety and ugliness… The vomit inducing fear… Because he doesn’t suffer from an illness or an addiction. What a bitch you are for wishing him to want to feel this! For being angry with him because he doesn’t get it!” I texted him and you’ll see the texts below. I’m sorry if his response offends anyone.
I spend so much time trying to make everyone understand my pain because I think if they do then maybe they’ll get it…. Really? Get what? Get me? Ok? Then what? Does that make me better? Normal?
IDK… I just know that I am happy for him. Not frustrated. He doesn’t suffer from mental illness like I do. What a blessing.
You don’t see my response back to him but I said to him that I need to stop “feeling all of my thoughts”. I think my reaction to HIS reaction to the situation opened my eyes. It is horrible. And, there is a shit-storm of stuff going on around it. But I don’t have to “feel” it to acknowledge it.
I don’t know. I’m sure we are all tired of reading right now.
Over and out!