The boy rich with words of wisdom for me (refer to “No Space” if interested) says to me…..
“I’m sorry…. just don’t live in the past”.
And because he’s obviously so brilliant I began to over think his comment. …. because I’m so obviously brilliant.
I don’t think I’m living in the past actually. I think that the past is living IN me. That is the reason I’m running all of the time. Hell yeah I’m running from myself. I’m running to get away from the past so I don’t constantly have to live in it. It sucks… These feelings of back and forth and constant fear of tomorrow or next week or even an hour from now.
The problem is… or so the truly brilliant one – my therapist – seems to be getting at is that I’m running right back into the damn fire. Apparently I’m seeking out the same stuff that makes me feels so crappy because it’s “comfortable”???
I said it last post. I’ll say it again. What the hell is wrong with me? Besides the obvious – stop listening to the less brilliant one. Actually, stop communicating, sharing space with, obsessing over is the correct answer there but that’s part of the crap I am apparently running to for comfort.
I am so screwed.