I want fun!

I’m always tired on Sundays. I’m tired from the anxiety of having to “get it together” one more week at school – I’m a teacher. Sometimes I notice the anxiety. Most days I just notice the exhaustion.

I like my job. To say I love it wouldn’t be fair. I don’t understand “love” in any form. But that’s a different entry. Once I actually get myself to 1st period I can do it – at least I can make it until lunch. Then I have an hour and a half before I finish up my last two classes. I’ve bailed on those a couple of times.

I just want to be normal. I want to do what I have to do. I use to want to teach to make a difference. And, the bottom line is that I still do it for that reason. But if I have to be completely honest, I’m simply existing.

I’m simply existing from moment to moment everyday and I HATE it. I want fun! I want enjoyment! I want to just be so lost in bliss that I don’t even recognize who I am…… The sick “who” I am. I use to say I wanted to be normal but screw normal. I want fun!

It is absolutely beautiful outside right now. At the moment I’m finishing up laundry that must be done for the week. I get that. I get the “musts” in life. I just want the “funs”.

I don’t want to be tired – exhausted from the worry of whether I can stand up out of bed tomorrow morning… Get in the shower… Get my hair done… Get in my car… Walk thru the door of the school and actually start 1st period. OMG it seems sooooo scary.

I just want fun!

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